CisterSpeak

Think About What Your Thinking About

Lately I've been re-reading, Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer.  One of my favorite chapters challenges us to "think about, what your thinking about."  As simple as it sounds, it really enlightened me to how much negativity flows through my mind on a daily basis.

Of course,  realistically I expect  my mind to wander from one topic to another...be it work, what's for dinner, what bills are coming, what's next on TV???etc.  But after reading and listening to Joyce's message and really paying attention to what she was trying to convey through her words,  I learned  just how important my thoughts really are.

Successful Cohabitation 101

The decision of living together with someone is not one that should be taken lightly.  There are so many different views on this from religious ones that speak against it, to more modern views that see it as more of the norm.  My take on it is that you should do what is best for you and yours.  However, please (I can't emphasize this enough) take time and discuss it openly before making the final decision.  If this is the man or woman (for our male readers) you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with and marrying then there is some ground work that needs to be laid before you make the first move.  After all, as much as we would like to say its a great way to test for compatibility before the commitment of marriage...  Research shows that more couples who shack up before marriage end in divorce; or they simply breakup before the relationship even reaches that level and I can clearly see why.

The most important thing you need to do is know why you want to live with your partner in the first place.  If you're living together with your boyfriend/fiancé/significant other etc., solely for the purpose of paying down debt, you have a child tor children together, saving to buying a house or something along those lines then I would humbly suggest you sit down and reevaluate your situation (perhaps you can move in with a family member).  People have a varying degree of reasons for deciding to make such and important step and for some the results are great, while for others nothing short of a complete and utter disaster.

I had to learn this lesson the hard way.  My first engagement was an absolute nightmare.   We were young and head strong not to mention I wasn't prepared and didn't want to admit it to myself, much less my family that I wasn't ready and had made a (relatively huge) mistake.  Rather than listen to the sound advice that we were being given he and I tried to do our "own thing" which lead us no where ,quick fast and in a hurry.  Since the theme for this blog is 'If I would have known then, what I know now...' I hope that sharing my experience will help someone else avoid the same pitfalls.  Coming from someone's who's been there done that and has the bruises to prove it, please take notes and watch out for these mistakes.  (Note: this is a long post, but it does print into three pages which you can take and read  wherever and whenever you like).

Enough Is Enough

We all have them...Those moments when something inside you just 'clicks' and all of a sudden you have a much needed burst of clarity.  For many, it happens when you've hit rock bottom and you look around and finally realize that something has to give or you won't make it.  My moment of epiphany happened to be this weekend. Luckily for me it wasn't during a rough time or anything of that nature but rather during an invigorating walk in the park.

The mister and I were taking our usual walk which we normally use to communicate and discuss our views, feelings or whatever happens to be on our mind at the time.  It was then that he brought to my attention how much time had passed since the beginning of the year.  For a few seconds the world seemed to fall away and I heard none of the noise going on around me or anything else he was saying.  Instead my mind immediately went to my  New Year's Resolutions.

Once again I was falling into the same pattern...I started off the year fully motivated,formulated a budget, set goals and got moving.  Then....life started to find itself intruding into my personal space and once again I found myself repeating the same dead-end monetary habits that I had all last year.  Well, I've decided that enough is enough.  This time I drew a visionary map of the goals that I want and the steps it will take me to get to where I want to be.  Each week I set aside a small goal to accomplish in order to reach that first marker on my map.

I'm proud to say that so far its working.  I have a new sense of purpose but don't feel overwhelmed with my tasks.  My goals are straightforward but fit easily into my normal routine so they are surprisingly simple to follow.  I've found that when I deviate too far off of my usual activities, it's hard to keep my focus in whatever task I'm trying to do.  Reason being is that I have a nasty habit of starting different projects and never really sit and finish any of them.  This in turn leaves my mind wandering all over the place.

So we're already in mid July; how are you doing with those goals you set on New Years?  If your still doing your thing great; but if your like me, then you need to dust them off, reevaluate your current situation and get it in gear.

"Keeping It Real"

Is it me, or has the phrase "keeping it real" taken a turn for the worse?  Has it more-or-less become an automatic ''green light' for people to act ghetto and/or ignorant?  Or, is it really a way for folks to stay true to who they are and their core beliefs and values (that being my initial belief)?  To me, the latter seems to be the better fit.  It almost never fails; lately whenever I hear the phrase someone is either behaving erratically, dressed ridiculously or cussing someone out who they felt was deserving of verbal assault...All in the name of them "keeping it real."

I have to admit that my current "keeping it real" fix is Keyshia Cole's reality TV show.  The first season had Keyshia's mom in jail and then released.  At any given moment Frankie would pop out her false teeth whenever it was convenient for her; other times she was running around cussing out the couple who had the audacity to raise the daughter that she abandoned to a drug habit (go figure).  All the while swearing everything was a "code 10 man down situation!"... I am STILL trying to figure out what the heck that means.

Next is Keyshia's sister Nefeteria.  Neffe has recently confirmed that she is pregnant with her fifth child.  Mind you, just last season she was dealing with anger management issues, a cheating boyfriend, bouts of heaving and crying on the fact that she was planning to abort her fourth child (which she eventually decided to keep), as well as, dealing with abandonment issues with her mother.

And each and every week my sister and I tuned in to watch the drama.  We'd laugh, shake our heads and laugh harder at the crazy and shameful antics of the family.  Finally one night I asked big sis what was it about the show that just kept us watching on a regular?  And of course she said, "It's probably because they keep it real.  This is how they are and it's relatable."

Another show that kept our attention was The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  Nene Leakes was loudest and most outrageous character on the RHOA.  And as a result she was the one most fans liked and considered the most "real."  Until it was revealed later on the news that the house she and her husband lived in was rented and they were behind on payments and in the process of being evicted. And as we all saw with DeShawn Snow being booted off the show because she was quiet and laid back.  Taking care of your business and being classy apparently isn't being "real" enough.

So that leads back to my initial question.  What is the real difference between "keeping it real" and being loud and ignorant?  Can you be real and not be ghetto?  Do you have to have a rough life or situation in order to fit the criteria?  I feel I keep it real everyday when I get up and go to work just to be considered part of the new 'working-poor class' as middle class is rapidly disappearing.  My typical style is to dress to my comfort and taste but its not loud nor do I 'standout out of the crowd.'  However its still very representative of who I truly am.   I don't have kids; and most of my friends and family around my age are married and raising families in the suburbs while trying to make ends meet.   But we're not loud, have great family values and rarely find ourselves having to cuss the mess out of someone.  Of course not all of us fit this criteria but most of us do. We all work hard, sweat blood and tears for our families but at the same time we give and demand respect in return.  Hmmm are we "real" enough?"  And if not, then do I even want to be; how far does "keeping it real" really get you?

 

Would You Befriend Yourself?

Imagine being introduced to someone similar in looks and exact personality traits as you; would you consider yourself a good friend?  For this exercise you must be honest and really think about how you are as an individual.  Are your characteristics, goals, attributes etc. similar to those you would consider in a good friend? 

If your son were to on bring home a woman home who is exactly like you are now, would you approve of her?  Would she be bringing something to the proverbial 'table?'  What kind of a wife and or mother would she be?  And what about your little girl? If your daughter's best friend were just like you, would you approve of that friendship?  

The answers to these questions gave me pause and made me look deeply into myself.  At first I automatically answered "yes!" to both questions, but then I really stopped to think and although I would still say yes, I can honestly say that I would not be a "top pick" for a wife for my "son" (don't have kids yet).  Although I bring a lot to the 'table' I can definitely see areas of improvement (credit, finances, career).   

The exercise for me was important in that it made me really reflect on what merits and attributes of mine I need to work on.  It also had me really thinking about everyone with whom I consider a "friend."  The majority of my friends are highly motivated, well educated, family oriented, compassionate, religious individuals with outstanding characteristics.   And for those few that don't fall into those particular categories, they may have a strong heart or unique personality trait that makes them invaluable to me. I am friends with people I admire and can rely on and would like to believe that they think of me in the same way. 

Personally I realized that I am not living up to my fullest potential.  There are things that I do that if I think about it, would annoy the crap out of me if a friend of mine were behaving like that.  The good thing was that as spouse I wouldn't mind my son marrying a woman with my temperament, drive, personality, physical appearance, current finances and credit (not the greatest but not the worst either) BUT I would feel more secure if she did have less debt than I do and a much better hand on saving.  I loved the path my thoughts turned to because it highlighted the areas I would like to improve in myself and also made me think of the standards that I have for my friends (do they need to be raised or lowered?)

When we 'let ourselves go' and simply expect our mate to accept us unconditionally are we being fair?  The thought of your son's wife being full of attitude, suddenly ceasing to take pride in her appearance,  displaying  an inability to forgive, unable or unwilling to cook, having a lack of self esteem or being over bearing paints a different picture doesn't it?  More than likely you would be encouraging him drop her quick fast and in a hurry!

I'd love to know how some of you feel about yourselves after this exercise, maybe you would consider yourself a great friend or mate but if you don't it makes you really think about why you wouldn't be.  For our male readers, simply flip the script and think:  would you consider yourself to be a good candidate to date and marry your daughter or how about a good homeboy for your son?

Smart Credit - Get A Gas Card

Good credit and gasoline are both things you need; a gas card is a great way to get both.  Maintaining good credit in this rocky economy can be somewhat of a challenge.  If you think your credit is a little shaky and you want to reestablish it or you simply want to keep your score up; try using your credit wisely by buying a commodity that you are in need of and buy on a regular basis anyway (that's if you drive/own a car).  As opposed to simply buying something you want that will just put you further into debt.

Before you get that card though make sure you do a little research.  Lookout for banks with high interest rates as they will end up costing you more gas annually then you would normally spend.  Keep receipts for 30 days or get a copy of your statement to see how much you spent on gas in a month ( I typically spend about $115).  It's important that you keep that figure in mind when you order your card so that you already know how much to budget out for gas on a monthly basis.

Once you have your card, the first thing I would suggest you do is send out a payment of at least $25.00. Yes, BEFORE you even pump gas or use the card.  The thing is you want to keep the balance to at least 20% of the total limit otherwise your credit rating will take a hit.  So if you get a credit limit of $200 your balance should never go past $40.  If you have a $300 limit it should never go past $60 (you get the picture).  If you need to discipline yourself first or you've bounced checks in the past, get yourself a $25 dollar money order instead of writing a check. Some banks allow you to make your payments online, however, for the first payment send the payment via snail mail.  This gives you time to pump gas before the payment gets there, showing responsibility in borrowing money and repaying it back.  By sending the payment out in the mail it gives you a few days before it will post to the account showing a balance and then a payment being made in your activity log (credit card statement).

Just like any other credit card it is extremely important that you make your payments on a timely manner.   Again, If your lacking in the self-discipline department, then I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you to use the money order method as the money comes out immediately and you don't have to worry about accidentally overdrawing your account.  You can also request to have a limit of $200 if you end up qualifying for a higher limit.  I personally like to do this to keep repayment manageable just in case I happen to max out the card (mistakes do happen).

Below I have a list of gas credit cards that I found on indexcreditcards.com.  Because I typically pump my gas at Citgo 95% of the time and Wawa the other 5%, I went with a Citgo card.  This is the only credit card that I have because I use a savings account for emergencies, so the balance transfer rate wasn't a factor for me when choosing a card since I only use it for gas and no other purchases what-so-ever.  Do not get suckered into making random purchases just to redeem points; as one day you can find yourself with $1,000 in credit card purchases just to redeem a $100 "gift."

 Gas Credit Cards

^{Gas station credit cards offering special rebates on gas purchases. (NOTE: Rates on gasoline credit cards change fairly regularly -- check the terms and conditions of any gas station credit cards you are interested in to be sure the interest rates shown here are accurate.)}

• Discover® Open Road® Card (formerly Discover Gas Card) - Gas Rebate Offer: Discover gas credit card allows you to earn a full 5% Cashback Bonus on your first $100 in gas and automotive maintenance purchases each month, and an up to 1% Cashback Bonus on all other purchases. Ongoing APR: As low as 10.99%, as high as 18.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: 0% for the first 6 billing cycles. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 12 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None. (terms and conditions.) 


• Blue Cash® from American Express® - Gas Rebate Offer: Earn up to 5% cash back on gas purchases -- a full 1% rebate at gas stations, supermarkets and drug stores for the first $6500 of total yearly purchases, and a full 5% cash back on all gas station, supermarket and drug store purchases after that. Also, get a full 0.5% rebate on other purchases for the first $6500 of total yearly purchases, and a full 1.5% on other purchases after that. Ongoing APR: 11.24%, or 14.24%, or 17.24% variable rate*. Introductory APR: 0% for up to 12 billing cycles. Balance Transfer Rate: 2.99% for the first 12 months, then same as standard rate. Annual Fee: None. (terms and conditions.)
  


•  Costco True Earnings® Card from American Express - Gas Rebate Offer: Earn 3% cash back on gas purchases and restaurant purchases, 2% cash back on travel purchases, and 1% cash back everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 13.24% variable rate*. Introductory APR: 0% for the first 3 billing cycles. Balance Transfer Rate: 1.99% for six months. Annual Fee: None with paid Costco membership. (terms and conditions.)
  


• BP Visa Card - Gas Rebate Offer: BP credit card allows you to earn a 5% rebate when you use the card for gasoline at BP gas stations and Amoco gas stations, a 2% rebate on travel and dining purchases, and 1% on any other purchases. Redeem for BP gift cards or cash. Ongoing APR: 12.99%, or 19.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None. (terms and conditions.)
  


• Casey's Platinum MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Casey's General Store gas station credit card allows you to earn 3% in rebates at Casey's locations, 1% everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 11.99%, or 14.99%, or 17.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None. (click for all terms and conditions.) < br>


• Chevron Texaco Visa - Gas Rebate Offer: Chevron credit card allows you to earn a 10-cents-per-gallon fuel credit rebate on gas purchases at Chevron and Texaco stations, a 3% fuel credit rebate on any other purchases at Chevron / Texaco, and a 1% fuel credit rebate on all other purchases. Ongoing APR: 13.49% or 17.49% or 20.49% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as standard rate. Balance Transfer Rate: Same as standard rate. Annual Fee: None. (click for all terms and conditions.)
  


•  Citgo MasterCard Credit Card - Gas Rebate Offer: Citgo credit card allows you to earn a 4% rebate on Citgo gas purchases and up to 1% elsewhere. Ongoing APR: 11.24% or 15.24% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 2.99% for 6 months, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None. (click for all terms and conditions.)
  


•  Clark Platinum MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Clark gasoline credit card allows you to earn between 3% and 8% rebates at Clark gas stations depending on your overall monthly charges, 1% everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 16.24%, or 18.24%, or 20.24% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None. (click for all terms and conditions.)
  


•  ExxonMobil MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Exxon Mobil credit card allows you to earn 15-cents-per-gallon rebates on gas credit card purchases at Exxon gas stations and Mobil gas stations, and up to 2% on other purchases. Ongoing APR: 11.24% or 15.24% variable rate*. Introductory APR: 0% for 6 billing cycles. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None. First National Bank Omaha Gas Rewards Visa - Gas Rebate Offer: Earn a 3% rebate on gas purchases and 1% back on all other purchases. Ongoing APR: 13.99%, or 15.99%, or 17.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: 0% for the first 6 billing cycles. Balance Transfer Rate: Same as standard rate. Annual Fee: None.
  


• Gulf Platinum MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Gulf credit card allows you to earn 3% rebates on gasoline credit card purchases at Gulf gas stations, 1% everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 11.99%, or 13.99%, or 17.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


• Hess Visa Credit Card - HessGas Rebate Offer: Hess credit card allows you to earn a 5% rebate on all gasoline purchases at Hess, Hess Express and Wilco Hess gas stations; earn a full 1% cash back on all other purchases. Ongoing APR: 13.99%, or 15.99%, or 19.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  Irving Oil Visa Credit Card - Gas Rebate Offer: Earn 3 points per dollar on Irving Oil products and 1 point per dollar everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 10.99%, or 14.99%, or 18.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


• LUKOIL Platinum MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Lukoil credit card allows you to earn 4% on gas credit card purchases at Lukoil gas stations and Getty gas stations, 1% everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 16.99%, or 18.99%, or 21.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


• Marathon Platinum MasterCard - Gas Rebate: Offer: Marathon credit card allows you to earn 5% on gasoline purchases at Marathon gas stations; earn a full 1% cash back on all other purchases. Ongoing APR: 13.99%, or 15.99%, or 18.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  Phillips 66 - Conoco - 76 MasterCard Credit Card - Gas Rebate Offer: Conoco credit card offers a 4% rebate on gas purchases at Conoco, Phillips 66 and 76 gas stations, and up to 1% back on other purchases. Ongoing APR: 11.24% or 15.24% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  RaceTrac Platinum MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: RaceTrac gas card allows you to earn 3% on gasoline credit card purchases at RaceTrac gas stations, 1% everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 11.99%, or 13.99%, or 15.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  RaceWay Platinum MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: RaceWay gas card allows you to earn 3% on gasoline credit card purchases at RaceWay gas stations, 1% everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 11.99%, or 13.99%, or 15.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.


• Sheetz MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Sheetz credit card allows you to earn 3% cash back on gas and other purchases at Sheetz locations; earn 1% cash back on other purchases. Ongoing APR: 13.99%, or 15.99%, or 19.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  Shell MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Shell credit card allows you to earn a 5% rebate on Shell gas card purchases, and a 1% Shell gas rebate everywhere else you use the Shell credit card. Rebates are automatically redeemed against future Shell gas purchases with the card. Ongoing APR: 11.24% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 months, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  Sinclair Platinum MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Sinclair credit card allows you to earn a 5% rebate on Sinclair gas purchases, and a full 1% rebate everywhere else you use the card. Ongoing APR: 15.49%, or 17.49%, or 20.49% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 months, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  Speedway SuperAmerica MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Speedway credit card allows you to earn 40 Speedy Rewards points per dollar on purchases at Speedway and SuperAmerica gas stations, and 10 points per dollar on purchases everywhere else. Redeem points for discounts on gas, food or merchandise rewards. Ongoing APR: 13.99%, or 15.99%, or 18.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  Sunoco MasterCard - Gas Rebate Offer: Sunoco credit card allows you to earn a full 4% rebate on Sunoco gas card purchases, and up to 1% everywhere else you use the Sunoco credit card. Ongoing APR: 11.24% or 15.24% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 months, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.
  


•  Valero Credit Cards - (NOTE: These credit cards are only for use at Valero stations and are NOT Visa, MasterCard, American Express or Discover cards that can be used everywhere.) - Gas Rebate Offer: No gas rebates, just revolving credit. Ongoing APR: 15.99%. Introductory APR: Same as regular rate. Balance Transfer Rate: No balance transfers. Annual Fee: None.
  


• Wawa Visa - Gas Rebate Offer: Wawa credit card allows you to earn 3% cash back on gas and other purchases at Wawa and 1% cash back everywhere else. Ongoing APR: 13.99%, or 15.99%, or 19.99% variable rate*. Introductory APR: Same as ongoing. Balance Transfer Rate: 0% for 6 billing cycles, then same as ongoing. Annual Fee: None.  

* variable rate = credit card interest rate changes in line with federal interest rates or other rate index; fixed rate = credit card rate stays the same regardless of changes in federal rates, but still may be changed by credit card issuer in the future.

Strong Black Woman or Angry Black Woman?

Somewhere along the lines of actuality and facts, versus propagated stereotyping, the distinction between a STRONG black woman and an ANGRY black woman has become so blurred that even some of us are failing to see the difference.  The behaviors and characteristics that are used to categorize and identify the differences between the two are now almost blended and at times too difficult to separate.  So now instead of being praised for being a strong black woman, it's become a double standard (almost repulsive) and pretty much a-round-a-bout way to being labeled an angry black woman.

The difference to me is more than  just a matter of perception ladies as I can see the truth in why some can be confused.  Are you really strong but labeled angry, or, are you really angry but consider yourself strong?  I would like to think that I can be strong without the anger, but I am also realistic to know that sometimes you need a little bit of that anger to fuel that strength.

Identified by her ATTITUDE and general negativity, The Angry Black woman is typically thought of as loud, sharp-tongued, critical, bitter and angry at everything in general.  Years of dealing with endless back-breaking struggles and a constant bombardment of worries and problems with no clear solutions or help, lead to intense feelings of fear, pain and at times abandonment when too often stuck between uncontrollable circumstances and poor decision making.  Unable to move beyond all the negativity she then shields her heart from further hurt and anguish by embracing the thick pillar of anger that is the direct result of her emotions.  Just try to imagine the hopeless feeling of working three jobs yet, still being poor and let's see how well you can maintain a proper mental balance?

On the other hand a strong black woman to me is also characterized by her attitude.  However, instead of bitter anger I see driven motivation.  She demands respect but also returns it.  Openly opinionated, non-submissive, low tolerance for bull, high tolerance for success and confident.  She also is cognizant and aware of her actions and their consequences and possible repercussions.

I believe we as women have to try very hard to keep a distinct difference between the two so that they are not viewed as one and the same.  Reason being; "Angry Black Women" are also viewed sometimes as "Ghetto Black Women" and that is another thing entirely.  Another problem is that there are times when important relationships are damaged beyond repair depending on the brunt of your anger and the collateral damage done.  And once it's over, you are the one responsible for cleaning up after your outlandish behavior and facing the consequences which can sometimes be dire.

Everything needs its proper balance; too much of anything is not good.  Too much pride and anger can be just as disastrous as too much arrogance and success.  On the opposite end of the scale too much kindness can be considered as weakness.  Its not always easy but ladies we have to try our best to find that even balance within ourselves.

Any thoughts???

How To Remove a Charge Off From Your Credit Report

If you've been ignoring collection letters and phone calls from creditor(s) chances are you may have a charge off on your credit report.  A write off or charge off, is an accounting procedure that happens when a creditor has not received payment on the account in 180 days (6 months).  Contrary to popular belief it does not mean that you no longer owe the debt; it's just a way for the creditor to report an un-collectible debt and report the loss.  Basically they suffer because they have lost money on the loan but also have an upside because they can turn around and deduct any charged off debts and thus end up paying less taxes.

We will (for the sake of this article) assume that you are reading this because you have one on your report.  Please be aware that even having one can and most likely will, seriously impair your score and cause you A WHOLE LOT OF HEARTACHE; so it's imperative that you get on your grind to try to fix it asap.  Otherwise, it will stay on your report for 7 years from the day of the initially missed payment that caused the delinquency on the account. 

Another thing to realize is that a single charged off account can come back and bite you, hard, in the fact that it can create more than one negative mark on your credit history.  This is because they can be bought and sold to different collection agencies multiple times as each one tries and fails to recover the monies owed.  However, you can fight this by staying on top of your credit report.  If you see multiple listings for the same account (i.e. under the original lender then again with the collection agency) Dispute it with the credit bureaus then file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission.

OK so now that we've established that you have a charge off, how do you fix it?  Well from my personal experience as well as research this is what I've found:

Forgiven Me

This morning I had a great quote in my inbox:

 A mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn anything from it; otherwise it becomes a lesson.

I used to be under the false impression that when I've moved on past a difficult time or situation in my life that, that was it.  I was done and moving forward because its a new day, a new leaf and so on and so forth.  However, I came to realize that I was sadly mistaken.  Depending on the severity of my 'life lesson', the relationship that I had with MYSELF was altered and usually I wasn't aware of it. While everything seemed OK, there was this nearly imperceptible discord in my personality and how I saw things.  Basically, I just wasn't quite me. 

Mary Mary has a wonderful track on their 'The Sound' album (which I am in absolute LOVE with), called "Forgiven Me."  The song is about this very exact same thing... forgiving yourself for your hard learned lessons and letting go of all our past foolish decisions.  I happened to have bought this CD on the strength of my sister and am grateful because it really made me realize that I never really forgave myself for avoidable situations that my poor judgment caused; or for what I allowed others to put me through.  I had believed that I had moved on and owned up to my old circumstances but I never truly did because if I had, I wouldn't have kept having those small 'replays' in my head.  On top of that I would have reservations and hesitant moments when making decisions and would constantly find myself having difficulty trusting my own judgment when meeting someone or dealing with certain situations.  So in essence, I'd never really let it go.  But in order to properly move forward with my new renewed mind, it was time to finally let it all go.  When we practice genuine self forgiveness, the benefits also tend to naturally spill over into the lives of those close to us.

Now I can readily admit that it wasn't easy to do.  I had to dig through the recesses of my mind and go into areas in which I didn't even like admitting stuff to myself. I chose to write it all out, pray over it asking for the strength to get past it and wisdom and guidance to overcome any new obstacles to come; then I shredded it all and finally let go.  For those with serious issues you may need professional help as doing it alone may not be enough.  Some wounds run VERY deep; but however you go about it, just make sure that you do it.  Yes we made mistakes, but we've learned and now we forgive ourselves and continue forward positively.  Another way of looking at it is that  while your reflecting or harping on old events events and/or people and reliving feelings guilt, resentment, pain, sadness or anger... typically the object that caused that emotion has moved on from the situation and is living their life while your going through the motions and suffering on your own.

*So to another important step in our "Business of ME" theme, is to get rid of all old, self destructive, energy draining, negative emotional baggage.

For those who are interested I've uploaded the song and posted the lyrics below.

"Forgiven Me"

I hold a memory of myself
reflections of what I used to be
these broken roads that brought me here
they make it hard to face reality
but a new day is here
it's time that I embrace it
can't wait another day
right now I gotta face it

(Chorus)
I... never ever wanna press rewind
never wanna go back in time
not much glory
in that story but it's mine so I'm...
lovin who I am today
 past has past away
finally I have forgiven me

(Verse 2)
I hold a memory of myself
so young and foolish and not knowing
careless decisions that I made
I wish somebody would have told me.
but a new day is here
it's time that I embrace it
can't wait another day
right now I gotta face it

(Chorus)
I ...never ever wanna press rewind
never wanna go back in time
not much glory
in that story but it's mine so I'm
lovin who I am today
the past has past away
finally I have forgiven me

(Bridge)
the mirror on the wall
it lets me see today
that I'm, I'm not that foolish girl
time has brought a change
a transformation
the old into the new
when I let go of me
and held on to you

(Chorus-repeat 2x)
I never ever wanna press rewind
never wanna go back in time
not much glory
in that story but it's mine so I'm
lovin who I am today
the past has past away
finally I have forgiven me

(end)
I hold a memory of myself.....

"The Business of ME"

Ladies this is the theme for CS for 2009;  "THE BUSINESS OF ME."  I have decided to view myself as a I would a business.  Think about it -typically before a business is started a business plan is drawn up...  Now those of you who have written a business plan know how much time and work goes into making one(It's some of the hardest work and research you will have to do).  The reason being is that you have to consider every aspect of your business from your targeted clientele, location, financing, employees, equipment etc.  But it is the backbone to having a successful endeavor.  So why not apply the same planning and forethought to yourself??? Ladies I encourage you to think of your current state or status in life as your blue print for structuring a successful business (you).

Most businesses (at least the good ones) spend a huge amount of time analyzing and preparing growth initiatives that will help the business grow.  These initiatives normally include, reducing debt, increasing income and then putting in an action plan to figure out the best ways raise profits and functionality for the coming year.  So basically they continue to look to ways to improve revenue and productivity for next year.

The first thing you need to do is to take a good (and very honest) look at yourself and what is currently going on with your life.  Look back on where you've come from, where you are now and where it is you want to go.  Where you are right now is the basis for your company (you) and now you are going to write down where it is you want to be.  In a way, you are pretty much mapping out your direction so you don't waste time or precious resources in achieving what you want.  A great book that I found useful is 'Write It Down, Make It Happen' I highly encourage you to purchase this book (consider it a great investment).  So step one in our Business of Me Series is taking a good look at the current inventory of our lives, our jobs, friends, housing, spending habits, significant others in our lives and where exactly it is that you want to see yourself go.